The First Day of the Rest of My Life...and a Yummy Sandwich

Yesterday I had to say goodbye to E. The man who had been the center of my life, my best friend, my everything (as unhealthy as it was) for the better part of the last nine years, left yesterday. He left because he had to get his self healthy, and he just wasn't able to do that here, for whatever reason. It was, and still is painful.

I had to leave first, I had to go to work. I felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. I was crying so hard on the drive into work, I really should not have been driving at all. I was slightly comforted last night when we spoke and I found out that he had the same experience I did. The man who could hardly express emotion, who really didn't know how to express love, told me that when I left he sobbed so hard, he felt like his heart was being ripped from his chest too.

I have to wonder why, if we both feel this way, why did he have to leave? Why isn't loving each other enough? For however much he loves me, he just isn't able to love me the way I need to be loved, and I guess, that is part of what he is going to work on. We don't know if our paths will return us to one another. I have to be realistic and recognize that this is likely the end.

I have absolute faith that the Lord has this one. He has a plan for us and I know that we are both only moving closer to the living in the glory of that plan. If E is not the man I am supposed to end up with, but we keep holding on to each other at whatever degree, where is there room for God to bring me and my future husband together? I guess that is why he had to leave, so there is room in my life for someone new...

I sort of consider today the first day of the rest of my life. I have to figure out how to live without E waiting in the wings. I don't really know what that will look like yet. For now, I will just keep doing all the good things I am doing to get myself healthy. I am still eating vegan and absolutely loving it. I have started making a green smoothie for breakfast everyday which is surprisingly delicious. I highly recommend trying one. I started with spinach, but have since added in kale. I always add a banana and then either an apple, pear, or maybe some frozen berries. Then I mix in chia seeds at the end. I feel so good after drinking it!! I know I am getting my day off on the right start. I also started Couch to 5K, not necessarily because I plan to run a 5K, but because it seems like a good starter plan for getting fit...and I really like the app.

So, what did I have for lunch on the first day of the rest of my life you ask?  Well, a very delicious sandwich with avocado, spinach and falafel. YUM!

avocado, spinach and falafel sandwich